A Subliminal Spiritual Activity Page 90

Prison Life

“Locked in place, I’ve watched life’s shadow move across that same ole wall.

I’ve seen many days pass across those bricks.

To avoid even a shimmer of truth,

 I blur my vision so that I do not see;

I tame my thoughts so that they do not roam wild

and bind my mind so that emotions lay in chains.

Once free, I bravely fought life’s battles and won.

Now I hold my passion as a prisoner within.

My mind is still; my soul tempestuous.

To find solace I’ve emptied my spirit that I may sit in silence-

…and, again hear the heart that is bound in my chest.” 

RvH~1995

When I look back into my mid-to-late twenties- I recall a great amount of time that seemed locked up in emptiness and my life seemed distinctly dormant. The writing above gives you a mental picture of that time!  Using scripture found in the book of Romans as a magnifying glass, as well as the gift of hindsight, I now realize I was being refined by God; however, in real-time, my experience felt like persistent, personal loss!  While I stoically watched friends  getting married-I was separated.  When others were having babies-I was divorced. When life seemed at its pinnacle for my peers-I was living alone in a one-bedroom apartment- wondering how I got there, and why? 

I put on a good face, but I was struggling.  It was then that I returned to my faith and began to seek God for answers.  I've always journaled, so I can look back and literally read about that time of growth but, as I lived it out, my life did not feel as if it were producing anything.  The scripture below contradicts my experience and states that "suffering produces".  This isn’t for the faint of heart:  

“But we also rejoice in our sufferings

because we know that suffering produces perseverance,

 perseverance, character and character, hope. 

And hope does not disappoint us, 

because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, 

whom he has given us.”

Romans 5: 3-5

Was I rejoicing during this time of confinement? No, but I opened my journal and the Bible and began seeking the Lord for a smidgen of hope to sustain me day-to-day! My personal change began there.  In private I prayed and God began to work.  I now believe He immediately began answering my prayers-but this wasn’t visible and I was required to stand on faith as I sat in hope. In desperation, many of us anxiously sit in hope; hoping, hoping, hoping.....hoping. Perhaps we haven't yet realized that our Hope is an Action Plan; a catalyst to persevere and a gracious derivative of suffering.

Honestly, my defiance had to be tamed and some maturity attained; God knew best how to do that! That time alone in my apartment felt like a prison sentence-but it was actually God’s gracious work of refinement.  I waited for my life to change and stepped into the Subliminal Spiritual Activity of waiting on the Lord! I’m beyond blessed to have found myself in the midst of that experience-for it was truly holy ground! 

God purposely placed me in a "time of waiting" and compassionately comforted me.  With the passage of time- slowly, and I mean slowly, over the years, my character was strengthened and a godly woman emerged-just as the Lord intended!  I prayed and a loyal relationship was built. I waited and my future was prepared. As I held on to hope in the Lord-my maturity was molded and my character set.  I waited on the Lord and when I was ready He graciously put my future into motion.  His timing was spot on and though it appeared I was lagging behind in life, all was as it should be and I eventually remarried my ex-husband and had three beautiful children.  That time alone with the Lord did not disappoint and I am who I am (a better Christian wife and mother) because of it.  

My friends, be encouraged: For those who are walking through times where there seems no hope -FAITH changes that. Trust in God puts things into motion! Don’t allow emotions to hinder you. PLEASE, sit in hope as you rise in your faith!  Find your hope in our creative God-that gives you a new day to arise and begin again… and an evening sky in which you may count your lucky stars!  To all of us God says,“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13

I did and you can as well! 

“Then the Lord said to him, 

‘Take off your sandals, 

for the place where you are standing is holy ground.” 

Acts 7:33

"Arise, shine....."
Isaiah 60:1

Song Recommendation:

New Wine
By:  Hillsong Worship

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ozGKlOzEVc


So Will I (100 Billion X)

By:  Hillsong

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfVd5x9W1Xc

As You Find Me

By:  Hillsong

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0eXYR65Z2w