In Proverbs 29:18, scripture says, “Where there is no vision the people perish.” Perish means to suffer death and/or to suffer complete ruin or destruction. I love when scripture can be applied to the here and now. For me, this scripture is applicable because I’ve been without clear vision for a while now and it has felt like a personal death. With courage and hindsight, I can now share the story of how I lost my way in life as my family faced several dire situations within a 6-month period of time that devastated our lives and lifestyle and literally tried take my husband to his death. With perseverance that didn’t feel like perseverance but simply survival mode, we lived to tell the tale. This post is one of my first steps back into the light of gratefulness and this testimony is about the vision that paved the way allowing my family to forge ahead toward restoration, as God turned things around.
To begin, in March of 2021, my husband, Paul, was diagnosed with a blood disorder that usually leads to leukemia and was facing the possibility of a Bone Marrow Transplant. This news was shocking and hard to take in. As a wife and a mom, I had a lot of balls in the air and this news pushed some sort of metaphorical button where my life went into a mind-numbing pause mode. All the plans I had just went still and then slowly began falling to the ground as I stared into oblivion. It was months before those balls touched down but, even then, it felt I was still standing there, dazed with no vision whatsoever.
One of our biggest plans centered around our youngest child, Ava. Her high school graduation was coming up-which included her spring break trip (which I was going on), her prom (which I chaperoning), her graduation party (which we were hosting in our home), etc. You get the picture. There were lots of events to manage which meant we were about to become empty-nesters. To be honest, becoming an Empty-Nester was a mixed-blessing for me, that called for huge emotional adjustments which I pretended to handle well. For some, this transition may not seem like a big deal and may even be exciting. For this creature of comfort who believes in all things family it was life-changing. My internal question became, “What am I now”? My private inner dialogue had many components, all clouded with an undertone of uncertainty, because my mind was also on Paul’s diagnosis which added the question, “Is he going to make it through this”. Everything and I mean everything in our lives was up for grabs.
First and foremost, I tried not to panic and, of course, did not want to upset our kids and so I underplayed their dad’s diagnosis, wanting to use the wait-and-see tactic. I “thought” this was courageous and wise but Paul felt deeply unsupported. This was one of those dangerous bridges that I crossed not knowing if it was the correct plan of action or not. There were some painful discussions and repercussions from that decision, but we made it to the other side.
Unfortunately, late summer, Paul’s business hit a wall and there was no recourse but to close it down leaving us without an income. We had already been thinking of downsizing and so his business closure and medical diagnosis pushed us along and we put our home on the market and it sold in 1 day. Now, we have to move our entire household as well as move our daughter to college. Also, Paul was having monthly blood tests and was seeing two different specialists. Getting the results from his tests was stressful because they were indicators of “when” Paul would need the Bone Marrow Transplant. He would almost panic and I’d sit there with a lump in my throat and no visible emotions in order that I not fall apart. Honestly, I “thought” I was being brave…and didn’t explain why I was so stoic and this caused some pain for Paul as well. Again, we made it through. Each month passed, events came and went, Ava graduated and was moved to Fayetteville, AR and the blood tests kept us on our toes. Changes were on the horizon, that’s for sure; however, as we all know from the last scene in Steal Magnolias, life moves on.
Well, in August, Ava called home in a lot of pain and wanted to fly home. We picked her up at the airport at 10pm and decided to take her straight to the ER. We thought she’d get an antibiotic and we’d head home. Nope. She was admitted due to a swollen lymph node and intravenous antibiotics weren’t putting a dent into it. 2 days later, we were called in for a parental discussion with the doctor. I hit the panic button, expecting bad news but thankfully surgery was the next step and Ava was stabilized. Unfortunately, in that same week, our precious Yorkie, Jimbo, was diagnosed with cancer and was put into the ICU while Ava was in the ER because we could not attend to him. I had to put our eldest daughter in charge of Jimbo’s care and I was torn in two, because I couldn’t be in two places at once. Ava made a full recovery but our sweet doggy passed away the day Ava got out of the hospital. This was excruciating. Our hearts were broken because we couldn’t spend quality time with him when he needed us. It was a trying time for sure. This was the same month we sold our home in which we lived for 8 years (longer than any other home we’d ever lived in) and so the bittersweet pain and disruption of our upcoming move was swirling around causing additional heartache.
When disaster strikes we all respond differently and to be prepared, mentally or otherwise, isn’t really possible because it arrives, uninvited, and takes no prisoners. In our case, add to the scenario the other issues and responsibilities we already had, such as a sick child, a sick animal AND moving our entire household, and “BOOM”, we found ourselves sitting in a place that felt like complete ruin. With head down and pain pulsing I lost my way. The normal tempo of tenacity and the usual nuance of personal vision that usually helped me navigate life was turned off in such a way that getting up, dusting myself off and beginning again seemed overwhelming, because it was.
As a family, we all did what was required. We got up, moved out and moved on. We did what needed to be done; one thing at a time, one day at a time, one month at a time. We took steps of faith that can only be described as bold. My husband kicked into gear and sought any and every remedy for his health including literally choking down holistic Green Juice and taking more vitamins than we now know what to do with. But, most importantly, we prayed. Did we flounder during this time? Yes indeed, in many ways. Did we cry and battle the pain of total fear? Sadly, yes. But I must stress the one main thing we did with perseverance was to pray!
My husband found a faith-healer in our area and with the boldness, I mentioned earlier, we went to be prayed over one Sunday morning. Ironically, this renowned preacher wasn’t there that day so Paul was prayed over by those leading the service and we were greatly blessed. However, as we headed out the door he said we were going back the next Sunday to be prayed over again. We did just that! Was that a comfortable move for this small-town girl? NO. I felt like I was moving through shades of gray due to all the unknowns but kept moving forward. Did I hold to my faith during all of this? To tell you the truth I was like a deer in the headlights, lost to my vision of what faith was and barely clinging to a smidge of hope; but, graciously, one specific thing I knew was scripture and I knew that The Word says, “We must hold on to the hope we have….” (Hebrews 10:23).
While I tried to cling to hope my husband forged ahead like a warrior. What he actually did was form a plan and, with that, built a vision. Scripture says, “I have set before you life and death; blessings and curses. Now, chose life.” Deuteronomy 30:19 (NIV) My husband set his course to live and was inspired by desperation and great need. The Bible says, “Let us therefore come boldly before the throne of grace that we may find mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16 This is exactly what Paul did, and frankly, it was striking to watch as he moved forward using audacious God-moves. Paul was stirred into action, had a vision and for months he pursued healing.
That very next Sunday Paul was prayed over the 2nd time. I was standing next to him. Wide-eyed and with awe, I physically watched to see what God was going to do. You see, I was distinctly aware that I should do so because for years I had a lovely card posted on my vision board (that’s still there) that says, “Lord, we don’t know what to do but our eyes are on you.” 2 Chronicles 20:12. Instinctively, I kept my eyes open and I watched. As Paul made his need known the minister began to pray. Immediately, Paul began to say out loud, “I don’t know if I’m breathing in or out. I don’t know if I am breathing in or out.” My husband didn’t remember saying this but I made a piercing mental note. Let me tell you, in that moment, I was taken aback. I didn’t know what to do but stand there. Within moments, the prayer time ended and we were just stunned as to what to do next. I was also prayed over (another great story to share later) and then we gathered our things and simply walked out the door back into our daily life and the daily fight, and to the monthly blood tests that followed. I knew this then and now; God was up to something and God answers prayers!
A couple of distinct things occurred: One, I knew that in several places in scripture the Holy Spirit is referenced as a wind and also as breath. I felt deeply that we had been in the presence of The Holy Spirit. Two, Paul’s monthly blood tests began to improve, month after month. Yes, they would go up and down again but they slowly moved up into the normal range. Meanwhile, Paul would flat out tell everyone including the nurses, the doctors, the specialists and others that he had been healed by God. Their responses differed but the Specialist would always caution that Paul would eventually need the Bone Marrow transplant. Time passed but Paul kept professing his healing to everyone. Paul’s numbers continued to remain stable and I suppose enough time passed so the Medical professionals were willing to admit that Paul must have been mis-diagnosed. Though spiritually, Paul was quick to say he was healed, when it came to the doctors giving him a misdiagnosis, Paul was hesitant receive the good news that he had been waiting on for so long. With time, it finally sunk in and now we confidently share that Paul was healed through supernatural prayer.
I truly laugh knowing that a “misdiagnosis” is frequently the pronounced prognosis when a miracle takes place. This world simply doesn’t make room for the power of our Living God and the miraculous works of His hands. With that said, what was the one ingredient that paved the way for this miracle healing? The faith of a vision. Paul had a vision that included the end-goal of healing and with great faith everything he did moved in that direction. This is a perfect example of what a vision is. It’s seeing the end goal and never accepting no. Conversely, it is accepting the “Yes” and saying “Amen” to the very breath of the Spirit of God.
“For no matter how many promises God has made
They are “Yes” in Christ.
And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us
to the glory of God.”
2 Corinthians 1:20
“Write a vision, make it plain
so that the one who reads it will run.”
Habakkuk 2:2
(Paul had a vision of healing and ran toward it)
“I will stand at my watch
and station myself on the ramparts;
I will look to see what he will say to me.”
Habakkuk 2:1
(I watched to see what God was going to say and do)
Jesus breathed on them and said,
“Receive the Holy Spirit.”
John 20:22
(The Holy Spirit is Breath)
“Of the angels he says, “He makes his angels winds,
And his ministers a flame of fire.”
Hebrews1:7 ESV
(God’s Angels or ministers are likened to wind)
“So is my word that goes out from my mouth;
It will not return to me empty,
But will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”
Isaiah 55:11
(God’s Word always fulfills its purpose)
Google Search Quote:
“In the Bible, God’s Spirit is often likened to the wind
or pictured with imagery related to the wind.
In fact, both the Hebrew word ruach (used in the Old Testament)
and the Greek word pneuma (used in the New Testament)
can be translated as “wind” or “spirit” (or “breath”).”
Click link below for an amazing
SONG RECOMMENDATION
GOD TURN IT AROUND
BY: Church of the City
(Featuring Jon Reddick)
"God is doing something, right now!"
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