It took years for me to understand a deep spiritual truth regarding my life in contrast and in conjunction to Jesus Christ. When I first begin the journey of understanding Christianity, as a kid, the entire function seemed to target getting a confession of sin through the bold preaching and the verbal confirmation, “I am a sinner.” As a child, it felt shame-based and condemning. At the same time, it was conflicting because I was supposed to feel “joy, joy, joy, joy down in my soul”. If you were raised in church you’ll get that little tune stuck in your head today.
Bear with me as I hone in on an idea: There is a premise put forward in a famous book that implies that once we recognize something within ourselves, on conscious level, we can overcome it, as needed. I recognized that I was a sinner using my logical mind and reason but truthfully the logic of it was as deep as I could get so I ruminated there for years, never overcoming. Looking back, I do wonder how a child is to understand deep spiritual truths except by blind faith.
The truth I lived out was "I am a sinner". I simply didn't move beyond that. As I got older, my life-style confirmed I was a sinner so I sinned. It seemed self-fulfilling and it was. I soon recognized that I was going to feel guilt and shame no matter what I did so sin was perpetuated. The next steps in theology didn't penetrate my heart or soul. My ole friend, condemnation, was always there to shine an inner spotlight on my failings and I just assumed this was a normal part of the Christian process. This is an awful way to live. Obviously, I was missing something pivotal as a "Christian" as I paved my way to hell.
When processing through the steps of faith we can get stuck in the sinner's section and believe we deserve it; I’ll confess that I did. The process really must go further than that.... but I stayed imprisoned in the realm of sin and often heard voices shouting “You need a savior”, which only reminded me of what I already knew; I wasn’t good enough.
Why after all those years of church attendance did I not know about the Grace of God? Why was I never directed to the true path of redemption and restoration? The answer is, “I don’t know.” All I can say it I was blinded to that truth. Yes, I know this is shocking, because the point of Christianity is that I am to find The Way. I am supposed to find the light, the hope and the love of it all. But, for years and years I didn’t.
I believe that the teachings we receive can keep us chained in condemnation and never move us into the grace phase and this is what happened. I wonder if you can relate to this. I internalized condemnation for years. I was very well versed in the sinner/sinning, "the wages of sin is death", the “we have all fallen short of God’s glory” phase and never knew or recognized the HUGE mechanism of God's Grace which when finally grasped was the very door I was worthlessly beaten up and thrown against. It was there that I met my Savior.
Sure, I needed to recognize I was a sinner but I also needed to have the light of grace seek and find me, like the lost child I was. When I became consciously aware of God's Grace, His Light moved into my spirit and after years of being lost I was found. It was the very moment I had been waiting for; the mechanism of a Spiritual Truth that I had been reckless to find.
I found this verse and it became a beacon of hope:
“But for the Grace of God I am what I am
and His grace to me has not been without effect”.
1 Corinthians 15:10
The point of the writing is for us to recognize that there is a way out of the pit of sin and a path to restoration that begins with grace. It is through the recognition of a spiritual truth that it is only through the bestowed Grace of God we are saved. There is nothing I could ever do or strive to become to earn it. There was nothing that I could ever find intellectually that could explain it for me ..... for grace doesn’t seem logical to a dying person. It is spiritually discerned and received. A gifting of something we can never earn but only accept with our heart and mind, when we come to the end of logic itself! THAT IS GRACE.
“For it is by grace you have been saved,
through faith--
and this is not from yourselves
it is the gift of God.”
Ephesians 2:8
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HOLY WATER
BY: WE THE KINGDOM
Reba ~ This blog is so beautiful a bearing of your soul and there is GRACE GRACE unto it!! Your conveyed sharing is simply but eloquently spoken and understood and such a worthy sharing of his Truth and his Grace!!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you Gloria!!! That means so much!
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